The Interview

Well, everyone on the internet seems to have suddenly become obsessed with the previously-obscure 1998 Australian thriller The Interview. Something to do with North Korea not liking it for whatever reason. With everyone talking about it, I thought I'd review it. The Interview is a crime drama thriller, focusing around, as one would guess from the title, an interview between the police and a suspect. You'd think a movie about people talking for an hour and a half would be boring, but it isn't. There are plot twists. Lots of plot twists. The entire plot is a giant twisty twist full of twists. And it's quite engaging. Also, Hugo Weaving. Hugo Weaving is awesome.

64/68

Warning: This movie contains police. If you are a strict anarchist and are offended by the concept of law enforcement, do not watch this film.

Peter Pan

I know what you're thinking. You want to ask, "Which Peter Pan are you reviewing? There's been, like, 10 different versions!" To which I say: "ALL OF THEM!". Also, there were only 5, do your research. Anyway, Peter Pan is a story about flying children who go to space and arrive on an island...in space...somehow. And there's water surrounding the island, seemingly level rather than coalescing into a sphere as one would expect water to do in space. On the space island, they encounter pirates (Does that make them space pirates? Or just regular pirates that happen to be in space?), mermaids, and... um... a Native American tribe? Are they still Native Americans if they're all in space and probably have never even seen America? Oh, and there's fairies. And some magical eternal youth stuff. And a ticking crocodile. OK, just trust me, it makes sense in context. Peter Pan is certainly a very unique space opera film (some of them literally, featuring lots of singing), and I can recommend it to those enjoy films that do something unique and different. You will not find another film featuring space mermaids and ticking crocodiles. Except, of course, the 4 other Peter Pan movies.

59/74

Warning: This movie contains a character with a hook hand. If you are offended by artificial implants, do not watch this film.

The Fifth Element

When I first saw the title, I thought that it was an odd film idea. Boron is not that exciting, how could you make an action movie about it? Turns out there's no boron in this movie at all. "Ok," I thought. "Maybe they're referring to the classical elements(Fire,Earth,Metal,Water, and Wood)." But there's no wood in the movie, either! It takes place in future New York, with not a tree in sight. After this realization, I had lost all respect for the movie and stopped watching entirely. This is why we need false advertising laws.

2/14

Warning: This movie contains an annoying black man. If you are offended by the character flaws of any character who is not a white male, do not watch this film.

A review from 40 years ago

So, I was cleaning out my time machine and came across a draft of a review I did back in 1977. This was particularly odd considering that I only started doing reviews this year, but when dealing with a time machine, it's best not to dwell on trivial details like continuity and causality. Anyway, I found a review, might as well publish it. The original came with a spoiler warning, but that's probably not necessary for a 40-year old review. Here it is:

Star Wars is a sci-fi adventure film. There's an evil empire with a huge fleet that controls the entire galaxy and there's a group of rebels that fight against the evil empire. The main character is a young farmer named Luke who receives a mysterious message and joins the rebel group in their fight to bring down the empire(Does it even have a specific name? Everyone in the movie seems to just be calling it "The Empire"). It's a pretty great film, with incredible special effects, an interesting story, and great characterization. One of my favorite moments was (MINOR SPOILER WARNING) when a smuggler named Han Solo shoots first at a bounty hunter sent after him. I thought it was a great way to really define Han's character, which would have been completely different if, say, the bounty hunter fired at him first, or they fired simultaneously or something. (END OF SPOILER) I was a bit disappointed with the ending, though. Without wanting to spoil too much, it just seemed a bit abrupt, and not much gets resolved. This is a movie that could definitely benefit from a sequel. But overall, it's a great film that I can recommend to everyone.

 76/80

Warning: This movie contains a mysterious omnipresent force. If you are offended by even the slightest religious symbolism, do not watch this film.