Lincoln

              This appears to be a very often requested film for me to review. I know absolutely nothing about it and have never even heard of it before. I could research it, I guess, but I'm a critic, not a journalist. So I'll just extrapolate from what knowledge I do have.

              I know Abraham Lincoln was a US president who abolished slavery and promoted racial equality. He did some stuff at Gettysburg or something. His head is on the penny and the $5 bill. I also remember hearing something about him being a vampire hunter. He also had a cool hat. So, from my understanding, the film goes something like this:

The United States of America are invaded by an army of racist slave-owning vampires. The only man who can stop him is the legendary Abraham Lincoln, who must travel to Gettysburg to recover the ancient Top Hat of Vampire Slaying, and stop the vampire invasion for good.

This sounds like kind of a trashy action movie. But at least it's got some great, memorable, ridiculously cheesy one-liners like this one: "I'm not made of money! The money is made of me!". Lincoln is one of those "so-bad-it's-good" movies that are fun to watch just to laugh at how hilariously bad they are.

4/9

Warning: The protagonist of this movie has a cool beard. If you are offended by facial hair, do not watch this film.